When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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