How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
