I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
