Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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