There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
