Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
