i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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