when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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