Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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