I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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