I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
