I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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