omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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