i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
