I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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