i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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