Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize