i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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