I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
