i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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