Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
