We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
