Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
