I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
