My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
