Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
