I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
