dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
is it fun? or sober?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize