Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
