Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
