Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
tell me about the eggs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
