uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
