ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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