Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
