Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
