Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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