i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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