I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
