Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
