someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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