Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just google imaged poop.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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