i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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