worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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