she was so not down for the gang bang
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
