We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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