if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
