3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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