It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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