Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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