You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
