:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
