I can't watch pbs sober anymore
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
