I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
