i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
