the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
