I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize