It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
