I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
