I have demons in me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
