Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
