i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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