Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
