I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
