Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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