I got chris browned last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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