i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
