so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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