put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
