i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
