i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
