There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
